No easy money here.

Read this brilliant article about BEE. In it, BEE is likened to masturbating, “it only gives you the illusion of the real thing.”

I think that the sooner we wake up and realise, as a country, that there is no such thing as a “quick buck”, the better. BEE, just like the sub-prime market in the US is heading for the rocks.

In the sub-prime market, banks were prepared to lend money to even the unemployed to buy houses because they knew that with residential house prices increasing at double digit percentages, even if the borrower never even managed one single repayment, they’d be fine, because the capital appreciation of the house would more than offset the lost interest. This all went well for a while while prices (you notice I don’t say, values) were increasing at 15-30% per annum, but when the worm turned and prices started dropping, the banks equity in these deals started looking rather bleak.

South African BEE deals are no different. Here is a simple little example;

Koos owns a company that has dealt with a local authority for years. Suddenly out of the blue, he is advised that unless he becomes BEE-compliant, he will lose this lucrative contract. Sipho, who has worked at his side for many years, is offered a share in the company in order to meet the BEE targets. The auditors of the company value the business at R10M and Sipho takes over 51% of the company at a price of R5.1M. He obviously doesn’t have this kind of money available in cash, so a loan account is opened for him in the company, ie. his loan account is debited and Koos’ is credited. The loan account attracts interest at 10% PA, so that the loan is not deemed a donation by SARS.

Koos and Sipho continue to draw their normal salaries relative to their jobs and let’s assume that they spend it all every month. Now let’s say that they have a good year and make R1M profit. Sipho gets R510 000 and Koos gets R490 000. Sipho has to pay the interest on his loan account (ie 10%PA) so in this “good” year he ends up paying his R510 000 “profit” back to Koos as interest. All is not doom and gloom, because let’s say that at the end of this good year they get an offer of R12M for the company and accept it – remember the auditor only valued it at R10M, but hey, it’s been a good year for the company. In this scenario, Sipho gets R6.12M, repays his loan to Koos of R5.1M and pockets a cool R1.02M just for being the right guy with a black face in the right place.

Now this is all very well, but what if the economy turns downwards (which it has) and they only make R500 000 profit? Well Sipho gets 51%, ie. R255 000 but still has to pay Koos R510 000 interest on his loan. He is short of R255 000, which he clearly doesn’t have, so the loan account just gets hit again, taking his commitment to Koos up to R5.355M. They decide to sell and get out while they can and the best offer they get is R8M which they take before things get even worse. Sipho gets R4.08M, but he owes Koos R5.355M and ends up indebted to the tune of R1.275M and suddenly being a “black diamond” doesn’t seem like so much fun anymore.

In this little example, the banks aren’t even involved, Koos lends the money to Sipho personally. Once the banks get their claws into these deals (and the numbers are in billions and not just millions) the numbers just get stupid and I know that there are hundreds of BEE deals unravelling right now, as the economy turns, inflation rises and the Reserve Banks notches up the interest rates.

Have we achieved anything by BEE or have we just been jerking off pretending to be rich?

The author of the article suggests that aspiring young (or not so young) blacks rather enter a trade and start up their own small businesses from scratch, an idea that I whole-heartedly agree with.

There is no easy money here.

Synaptoman

Somebody (anybody), do something !!

The mind boggles. While our “mini-president“, who currently holds the UN Security Council’s rotating presidency this month, frantically holds off the rest of the world, Mad Bob imports a deadly cargo of Chinese arms and ammuniition through Durban harbour. Thankfully our Transport Union are now refusing to offload it. However our National Conventional Arms Control Committee (NCACC)’s scrutiny committee have given it their full approval. This scandal is rightfully causing an uproar in media and opposition circles.

I would like to point out that I exposed the Chinese link in my blog entry of 14/04/2008

Here is some more speculation. Shoot me down if you want to;

• Mugabe has traded mineral rights for protection from China.

• Mbeki knows this and condones it (what has he got to lose anyway?)

• Martial law will be declared in Zimbabwe.

• Morgan Tsvangirai will be charged with treason (again).

• Zimbabwe will be plunged into civil war.

• The West (or the UN) will have to intervene.

• The Rand will be traded at R20/$ by July.

and worst of all………

As South Africans, we all have the blood that will be shed, on OUR hands.

Viva ANC (Zanu-PF), viva.

I need a drink.

Synaptoman

Bru goes camping

“So Bru, I hear you and the family went camping?”

“Ja, we really had to get out of the house, the kids were starting to drive us nuts.”

“But they normally seem quite happy, don’t they just sit around watching TV?”

“Ja normally, but I think they started getting a bit bored or they got tired of the Zim elections or something.”

“What happened?”

“Let’s just say they have a creative side.”

“So you took them camping. Where?”

“We phoned Storms River, well tried to phone at least. After the 8th call and a lot of confusion and uncertainty the Cape Nature lady took our booking and said it would be R510 for the campsite.”

“Isn’t that a bit steep?”

“Ja, I also thought so just for a piece of grass, but what the hell, only the best for MY family.”

“And then?”

“Well then we drove all the way there and then she asks me if I’m a foreigner.”

“YOU, a foreigner?”

“Ja, apparently there are different prices. They rip the foreigners off even more than us.”

“So you paid the R510?”

“No, that’s just the problem, we get there and this lady tels us it’s an extra R200 for a Conservation Levy”

“R710 !!!”

“Yep, and then she has the cheek to say that its even more expensive at Kruger.”

“What’s that got to do with Storms River?”

“I don’t know.”

“So what did you do?”

“I tried to be decent about it and respectfully asked if, seeing that we had a confirmed booking, they could just fag the levy.”

“And what did she say?”

“She just rolled her eyes back and then asked her supervisor, a rather obese black lady busy bursting out of her Cape Nature uniform, who just dismissed the idea and walked off.”

“So you just walked off as well?”

“Of course we did, I don’t like getting ripped off.”

“So where did you go?”

“We eventually went to a great little campsite called Arch Rock, clean, cheap and privately-run.”

“And did you find a nice campsite?”

“Ja, we did find a site eventually, but there were some pretty rough ones on the beach,”

Campsite 85

The camp table (rustic)

Ahh, that’s much better

Fill her up and give me 25 shares please.

“Hey Boet, what in heavens name are you doing?”

“I’m just getting ready to go to the petrol station.”

“But you’re putting shoe polish on your face.”

“Bru, a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.”

“OK, now you’ve really go me really worried, why the black face?”

“Well you know I’ve been dabbling a bit on the Stock Exchange?”

“Yes…and?”

“Well, I’ve really learnt a lot.”

“And lost a fair wack of money according to Doris.”

“Ja, please don’t mention that too loud, she’s still the moer-in with me about that.”
“So what have you learnt?”

“Well for starters, banks are good but only when times are good.”

“Yes, and?”

“Cell phone companies are always good.”

“So did you buy any cell phone shares?”

“No, but I’m going to.”

“And, what else?”

“Gold is good and platinum and especially anything to do with fuel.”

“Why fuel?”

“Well the Arabs are punishing the rest of the world for the war in Iraq”

“How?”

“By putting up the price of course.”

“So we don’t have an oil in South Africa, how will that help us?”

“Well we’ve got Sasol you know.”

“So, we buy Sasol shares, of course.”

“Ja, but it’s not that easy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well I read here that they are only selling shares to Blacks.”

“Surely that’s unconstitutional?”

“I’m sure it is, but that’s what they’re doing.”

“So how are they selling these shares?”

“Well if you read the article, it says here that they’re selling the shares at the Sasol petrol stations.”

“No way?”

“Ja, so all we have to do is convince some pomp-jockey that we’re a brother and then we get our shares.”

“Boet?”

“Yes.”

“Pass me some of that shoe polish man, I also want to get rich.”

Laughs

Synaptoman

P.S. If you are a white South African reading this, proceed as follows;

a) Go to a Sasol service station.

b) Ask to buy some shares.

c) When they say no (and they will), tell them that you will no longer be buying their fuel.

d) If you own a company (and some of you do) fill up your company vehicles somewhere else.”

One bottle or two, what an (alleged) arshole.

Eskom must be heaving a sigh of relief at the Robert McBride court case, as it takes the focus off of them for a few days.

In June 1986, our hero, Robert McBride taped together more than 100 pounds of explosives, attaching a mine with a 15-minute timer as his trigger, and swaddling this propulsive charge with bags of machine-gun bullets and metal scraps for shrapnel. He secreted his lethal contraption in the spare-wheel well of a powder-blue Ford Cortina, which he parked one Saturday night on a crowded beachfront esplanade in Durban.The bomber was out of earshot when his device exploded into two busy white bars called Magoo’s and the Why Not, killing three women and wounding 69 people.

For this atrocity this terrorist served a mere 6 years in prison, before getting amnesty from the TRC. Fast forward to 2008 and Robert, now a metro police chief, is defending himself against charges of drunken driving and defeating the ends of justice.

This (alleged) arshole now has the audacity to question a prosecution witness who testified that he saw McBride drink two bottles of Johnny Walker at an end-of year function, before driving off and wiping out his car, this after being offered a lift home. He (the witness) testified that he saw him finish a bottle in an hour or two, but was a bit vague about the second bottle, so the defense pounced. Read the whole sordid story here.

Our drunk driving limit is a mere 0,05. Whether the defendant drank one or two bottles is completely irrelevant, and I believe that we are wasting taxpayers money in even proceeding any further with this case. Surely it is obvious to anyone with half a brain cell that this man is guilty. What is taking so long?

Disgusted

Synaptoman

Manto Bashing

The thing about politicians, is that they make such great targets, and the new South Africa has certainly thrown up its fair share of idiots. My favourite however, is Health minister Manto (Dr Beetroot) Tshabalala-Msimang. She seems to blunder (lurch) from one PR disaster to another, whisky bottles flying in all directions.

Jacob Zuma started the trend, when as head of the Moral Re-regeneration Campaign, he had sex with an HIV-positive woman half his age. One has got to be so careful around this man, as he slaps critics with multi-million rand lawsuits at the drop of the hat, so the allegation of rape by this unfortunate young lady will have to go without further comment. His 5 (or is that now 6) wives, allegedly paid for by kind sponsors, and his alleged “corrupt” relationship with convicted fraudster, Shabir Shaik, further enhances his “moral” example to the rest of us.

But back to Dr Beetroot. At the launch of the Healthy Lifestyle Programme in Port Shepston (what in God’s name was she even DOING there), she announced that alcoholic beverages will soon carry messages highlighting the negative effects of alcohol. Are we supposed to take this woman seriously? Her alleged alcohol consumption is legendary, her fast-tracked liver transplant is common knowledge, and now this idiot is lecturing the rest of us about OUR alcohol consumption?

She went on to say says that she hopes to emulate the success her department has had with the tobacco industry, where a 40% drop has been achieved due to warnings on cigarette packets. This is not necessary. We could probably achieve at least a 40% drop in alcohol consumption in this country if we could just get HER to join the AA.

In another embarrassment, addressing the Presidential Task Team on African Traditional Medicine, said: “We cannot use western models of protocols for research and development. We should guard against getting bogged down with clinical trials.” In other words what she is saying is, “please don’t test these traditional medicines, because they don’t work and are probably made of rat piss and foreskins.“

We are getting to a stage in this country, where under her leadership, patients can consult sangomas and get medicine, which will be paid for by medical aids. At this stage, they cannot book a patient off of work, but I have personal knowledge of workers presenting sick notes to their employers from sangomas. But whatever you do, don’t test these medicines, your western methods don’t apply.

Doctors for Life International (DFL), while encouraged by the move to subject Traditional African Remedies to clinical trials said, considering the “extremely high incidence” of muti killings, it was clear that some potions sold as traditional African herbal medicine contained human body parts. “DFL has numerous testimonies of traditional healers using human body parts in herbal mixtures. Usually the medicine is considered more powerful if the body parts are removed while the victim is still alive.” Lovely !!

Human genitals are often used in love potions and remedies for infertility and/or impotence.

QUOTE OF THE DAY.

“You must stop thinking like a Kaffir.”

Irvin Khoza, chief of the local organising committee for the 2010 World Cup.

Have a great week.

Synaptoman

Dress Code for 2010?

I am often asked what “Synaptoman” means.

Information from one neuron flows to another neuron across a synapse. The synapse contains a small gap separating neurons. The word “synapse” comes from “synaptein”, which Sir Charles Scott Sherrington and his colleagues coined from the Greek “syn-” (“together”) and “haptein” (“to clasp”).

A Synaptoman is thus a person who “communicates”, collecting news and information, sorting and analysing it, and then passing it on to readers.

There was an interesting quote in a local television production called, “The Most Amazing Show“. (Go and check out their wacky website here). In it, the main characters, Corne’ and Twakkie had a movie review section, and they used to say, “we’ll watch the kak, so you don’t have to“, or something to that effect.

This is what I do, and an article that caught my eye today certainly provides plenty of food for thought. It’s not always the news itself that is so interesting, but more the comments that are posted that brings many new dimensions to the story.

The Times today brings an horrific story of a young lady, Nwabisa Ngcukana, 25 who, dressed in a mini skirt, was set upon buy a group of Taxi Drivers at a rank because she was provocatively dressed. They tore off her clothes, sexually molested her by allegedly put their fingers in her private parts, and then paraded her naked around the taxi rank, to cheers from the crowds who had gathered, all because she “was asking for it”, by the way she dressed.

Read the whole disgusting story and then continue.

Some really interesting comments were logged and these are the ones that I found particularly thought provoking.

“Whilst I condemn the manner in which these women were treated, if you dress like a whore then why do you expect Joburg taxi drivers of all people to show you any resptect? (sic)”

This sentiment is expressed in numerous comments and the influence of the mighty Jacob Zuma is evident.  Much is also made of the fact that these were Zulu taxi drivers, as if this makes a shred of difference.  If we take the above sentiment to it’s natural conclusion, then the following comment is even more interesting.

“Really funny that! In Zuma’s rape trial he stated that in his culture it would be insulting for a man not to make advances to a provocatively dressed woman. It would appear to be another case of the ANC having its cake and eating it ”

Another reader concludes that;

“What if you choose to parade around in bits of animal skin and underwear, should you also be attacked, sexually assaulted and ridiculed in public?”

This was the really interesting one.  A woman who dresses like a “whore” is treated like one.  A man who parades around over weekends in animal skins and his underwear (and drinks out of a paint tin)  because of his “culture”, come Monday morning, suddenly expects to be treated seriously as a civilised member of the First World community.  Why should we treat him as anything other than the naked savage that he is?

And who do I blame for this sudden resurgence of sexist, tribal behaviour?  The one and only, President of the ANC, and God-forbid of the country, Jacob (std 4) Zuma.  With wife number 6 clearly in his sights, he presses on (badly) influencing huge swathes of impressionable young savages.

In closing another interesting observation.

“I certainly hope none of our world cup visitors will wear a mini skirt.I think fifa should provide a warning to visitors or provide a dress code.”

Disgusted.

Synaptoman 

Poor Whites

Watch this very sad video about poor whites on YouTube here. It documents the plight of poor (mainly Afrikaner) white folk under the new ANC regime, and Solidarity’s (the trade union) efforts to assist them with soup kitchens etc. It also features a very cutting interview with Aziz Pahad, a cabinet minister, by a BBC journalist.

It exposes, once and for all, the ANC’s blatant racist policies, which are no better than the system it so valiantly fought against.

That there will be winners and losers in any conflict, either political or military, is accepted, but what is unacceptable, in my humble opinion, is when one claims equality, and practices inequality. BEE (Black Economic Empowerment) is racist, whichever way one dresses it up, and the simple test which I always use, is to replace the word “black” with “white”, and ask yourself, “would this be regarded as racist?”  White Economic Empowerment? mmm, what do YOU think?

This is one of the questions that the brave female journalist posed to Pahad, and when he realised that he’d been maneuvered into a corner, had the audacity to hide behind our Constitution, as if this made it miraculously right.

The free market will prevail, and any protectionism only works within the artificial system within which it was created. The Afrikaners who enjoyed “sheltered employment” in the Civil Service under National Party rule since 1948, now find themselves living in squatter camps, but I predict that the black ANC faithful who now find themselves in positions way beyond their capabilities, have even further to fall.

Step outside of this “Wonderland”, and they will be exposed by the global community for the uneducated and woefully unsuitable candidates that they are. David Bullard, in a brilliant column in the Sunday Times recently, commented that merely because your business card says, “Neurosurgeon” doesn’t necessarily mean that you are one.  He even went so far as to suggest a test/exam for potential candidates for high political office.

I don’t mind being discriminated against, but please, don’t do this while telling me that we all enjoy equal opportunities.

Cheers

Synaptoman

The “oaf” of allegiance.

During his State of the Nation address on Friday, Mbeki made the proposal of an oath of allegiance in the hope of encouraging children to uphold moral values and take pride in nation-building. By Monday, the text of this “oath”, which will be recited every day at assembly at all schools in SA, was released. It says;

“We the youth of South Africa, recognising the injustices of our past, honour those who suffered and sacrificed for justice and freedom.

“We will respect and protect the dignity of each person, and stand up for justice.

“We sincerely declare that we shall uphold the rights and values of our Constitution and promise to act in accordance with the duties and responsibilities that flow from these rights. ”

Now this is all very dandy, but I have some major issues with the whole concept of hundreds of thousands of children standing up every day, hands on heart, reciting some meaningless (to them) mumbo-jumbo. A little bit too much like something our friend Mao would have liked.

And then, I also have a major problem with the wording of this oath. Children (PLEASE don’t call them learners, for f*ck sake) at school at the moment are aged between 5 and 18 (or 25 depending on the school). This means that they were born between 1990 and 2003. They had absolutely nothing to do with the so-called “injustices” of the past, and I see no reason why they should “recognise the injustices of the past”.

I am 1/8 German. Does this mean that I am somehow (even remotely) responsible for the so-called (hang, I couldn’t resist that) Holocaust? Of course not, and so too are our children completely innocent in respect of South Africa’s past.

By dredging up the past, blaming Apartheid for every current problem (like Eskom) and entrenching racial discrimination, the ANC government is no better than those evil dudes who somehow all disappeared in 1994.

The doom and gloom portrayed of life pre-1994 is overpowering, and I’m even starting to believe all this propaganda myself. Maybe my life only began in 1994? Maybe nothing I, or any other South Africans did prior to 1994 was remotely important, unless it involved blowing up innocent men, woman and children in the name of the revolution?  Nothing of value was achieved, we were all miserable, and our only hope lay in the mighty ANC.

But hey, I’m not sure why I’m getting myself in a froth about this issue. It’ll die a natural death, just like the anti-kissing law. The kids will just laugh the whole thing off and compose their own rude version of it, or whatever.

“You can take a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”

There are obviously a lot of people in government, with a lot of time, being paid lot’s of money, to dream up these crazy ideas. Good for them. Who knows, next they’ll try and disban the Scorpions. (what, they have? are you serious?)

Synaptoman

While Rome burns.

The Times reports that in the midst of the worse electricity crisis this country has ever experienced, Eskom can’t buy electricity generated by the private sector “due to the absence of a policy framework”.

Now, I assume that by a “policy framework”, we are implying that the laws that give Eskom a monopoly in power generation are so complicated (having been first drafted by those evil apartheid fellows), that it is virtually impossible to legally unscramble the egg, and open the door to private sector participation.

Mbeki has quite gallantly accepted responsibility for this cock-up on behalf of his government, but we still discover that private sector projects are reported to be “mired in red tape and the government’s policy of protecting Eskom from competition.” Does this surprise me?

What is probably happening, is that amended legislation is being purposefully delayed while the “usual suspects” squeeze their fat arses into private sector power generation companies. This simple amendment to legally allow Eskom to buy electricity from the private sector could read as follows’

“While the reserve capacity is less than ____ %, Eskom is allowed (and obliged) to buy electricity from the private sector at a price of the wholesale rate less ___ %.”

There’s your legal framework, now get on with it, you idiots.

But can you just imagine the teams of legal “consultants” employed at R3000/hr who are mulling over this amendment (or having lunch)? Picture the committees, the paperwork, the debates, all to make this simple change.

And then the big “B” word. BEE is certainly not going to be left out. This is another feeding trough, so of course the right colour snouts have got to be firmly lodged in there.

I know very little about electricity, but surely 240V AC is 240V AC? Do you get bad electricity and good electricity? Do I need a SABS certificate to say that the excess electricity generated by my solar panels and wind turbine is the right quality?

This is a national emergency. Amend the law, get it to Parliament and pass it. The longer it takes to get a “policy framework” in place, the longer this mess is going to continue.

And this is just electricity !!

I need a drink.

Synaptoman