Your call is important to us

telkom.jpg

I have just spent a frustrating 2 and a half hours on the phone to Telkom trying desperately to top up my DSL account. I will not bore you with the facts, because I’m sure you have had similar, if not worse, experiences, but I will place on record my desire to see this inefficient, expensive, useless excuse for a company, forced out of business by market forces and an overwhelming wave of public dissatisfaction.

Do yourself a favour and visit the Hellkom website. It won’t make the pain go away, but at least you’ll realize that you are not alone. Why do they have to make a simple task so difficult? I once had a client who used to often say to me, “I don’t want to fly to the f*cking moon, I just want my computer to work.

Call centres work if they are manned by efficient and knowledgeable operators, but probably more importantly, if there are enough operators to manage the incoming calls. It is totally unacceptable for a customer to wait literally hours to helped with a simple problem. Time is money, and invariably you are phoning them in the first place because you are experiencing some sort of communication problem. Try recouping the costs of your downtime from Telkom and they’ll laugh at you, but why don’t we try the American way? Why don’t we launch a class action lawsuit against them for Billions of rands, and maybe then we’ll get some results?

Incoming calls from tele-marketing companies are even worse. I do not appreciate unsolicited mail, email, SMS’s or telephone calls. If you want to really get my blood boiling phone me, mis-pronounce my name, ask me how I am, and then tell me that our conversation is being recorded for quality purposes.

I DID NOT ASK YOU TO PHONE ME. HOW I AM, HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, AND IT’S JUST AS WELL THAT YOU’RE RECORDING THIS CONVERSATION, BECAUSE NOW YOUR SUPERVISOR CAN ALSO HEAR ME TELL YOU TO STICK YOUR PRODUCT UP YOUR ^&$#.

My favourite trick with tele-marketing calls is to show some interest and then ask them to hold as I need to see who is at the door. 5 minutes later, I see if they’re still on line (and yes, some have still been there), ask some more questions, and then ask them to hold again. My record has been 15 minutes, and in the end I almost had the poor operator in tears when I told her I already had one.

The lady with the Afrikaans accent who tells you that, “Telkom appreciates your business,” must be the most hated woman in South Africa, and the jingle that plays over and over and over again in a constant loop of frustrating white noise is surely the most reviled piece of music ever written. You know the one, “dah-dah-dee-dah, dah-dah-dee-dah, dah-dah-dee-dah-dah, dah-dee-dee-dah.”

I need a drink.

 

Synaptoman

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One Response

  1. Dad, I sympathise with you but only marginally as we, here in the UK, have BT (British Telekom) who are I can safely bet, equally if not worse than your Telkom. They have had a captive audience for a number of years but due to plummeting standards of customer service (call centres in India or Costa Rica) other big dogs like Virgin Media are laughing there way all the way to the bank. The other day I called BT to ask if I could join them (for very complicated reason) and just to get through to an operator to find out what the line rental would be took over 40 minutes and that’s there sales department never mind customer services once they’ve taken your money and you now need assistance. Good luck with it 🙂

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