The Zimbabwe Ruins

Mr President, I have Mr Mugabe on the line.”

Oh shit, what does he want?”

He says he’s just read a newspaper article.

Great, tell him I am very proud of him. Now kindly leave me alone, I’m writing my blog.

No sir, he wants to discuss the article with you.”

What is it about?

Sir, it’s about them switching to the Rand.

Well let him speak to Tito, I’m practising quiet diplomacy at the moment.

No Sir, he insists on speaking to you, or else he says he’ll phone Charlize Theron.


What the hell has she got to do with his God-forsaken country?

He says that being a bit of a ladies man, he might convince her to put in a good word with Bush.

About what?

Well maybe the US will bail him out with some Yankee Dollars if Charlize asks nicely.

Now what gave him that idea?

Sir, he read a blog by somebody called Synaptoman, and it involved switching to the US Dollar. Now that the Rand is also an option he’d like you to put your proposal forward so that he can weigh his options.”

OPTIONS. His country is in ruins. He has no options. The best option would be for him to f*ck off to Saudi Arabia like Idi Amin.

Sir he says, that in this article it implies that in return for all of these Rands, he would have to make some Political concessions.

And, does he understand what that means?

Yes Sir, he says that with them using Rands, we should have some sort of control so he’s appointed a South African as Governor of the Zimbabwe (printing press) Reserve Bank.

And who might that be?

Sir I don’t think you’re going to approve of this appointment.



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