Self Help for Dummies – Chapter 1

In Self Help for Dummies I threatened to serialize the outline of this book, and after some encouragement from Jules and others, I thought, “what the hell, this could be fun.” So here goes.


Chapter 1 So you’re a loser, now what?

Well you are, aren’t you? Of course you’re a loser, everyone knows that. Some confirmation is needed, however, to really “get down there”. Answer the following questions truthfully;

  • I enjoy my job/career.
  • I have a happy and stable family life.
  • I have a full and satisfying social life.
  • People like me, and find me attractive.
  • People listen intently when I talk.
  • I set myself targets and always achieve them.

See what I mean? you really are a loser, so let’s get to work.

Self – that’s you.

Help – what you need.

For – how many weeks it’s going to take to start seeing results (Sorry, I couldn’t resist that)

Dummies – how you, and most of the Planet, percieve you.

Let’s start by making three lists.

List #1 – 5 things that are absolutely easy to do. (Like, remembering to breathe today, remembering to wear socks, going to work, not getting attacked by a Great White Shark, finding your own way home etc.)

List #2 – 5 things that are going to take some effort. (Like, phoning your mom to say Hi, making that Dental appointment, washing the car, paying that bill, taking the dog for a walk.)

List #3 – 5 really difficult things to achieve. (Like, arrange a date with Paris Hilton, phone the President, win the lottery, walk on water, get through to Telkom.)

Now, at the end of the day, just score yourself eg. 5/5 plus 2/5 plus 0/5.  The secret, however is to CARRY FORWARD the failures to the next day and add another 5.

You will find, that your easy list will(should) always only have 5 items, your moderate list will tend to grow slowly (try and keep it manageable) and your hard list will merely incerement by 5 items per day.

What have we learnt by this?

  1. You are currently a loser.
  2. You are not a TOTAL loser.
  3. The moderate list is where most of the action is going to be.

Some homework for the next episode.

  • Do the 3 lists EVERY SINGLE day.
  • Think of a reward that you’d like, if you achieve more than 50%.
  • Phone your Mom (or anyone else really special to you, who you haven’t spoken to for a while, and just listen to what they have to say)

Be Good



2 thoughts on “Self Help for Dummies – Chapter 1”

  1. Gosh, was I away for that long that I missed 4 episodes?

    Ok, I haven’t made the lists yet. I will. I promise. Tomorrow. If not, definitely the day after…

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