As long as it’s Black

Henry Ford was quoted as saying, “They can have any color car they like, as long as it’s black.” Well times have changed Uncle Henry. Cars are now available in a startling array of colours. Here is Synaptoman’s analysis of the type of people who choose particular colour cars;


You are either a cheapskate or a low-level sales rep selling bubblegum. The R1500 you save by choosing white in the first place, says a lot about your character. You probably have sex once a week on a Sunday in the missionary position and have an extremely neat sock drawer.



How boring, Henry Ford would have been proud of you. You are either a “Black Diamond” wannabe or a young snottie who doesn’t realize how hot black cars get in summer, and how difficult thay are to keep clean. You are definitely up to your ears in debt, like loud music (to which you sing along badly) and have an extensive wardrobe financed with plastic, and still live with your mother.


You either fancy yourself as a bit of a boy racer, or red was the only colour they had left in the model car you wanted. Red cars are normally slow and this colour was chosen to make them look sporty. Watch out for other look-faster accessories like shiny mags, air-scoops and skirts. You are insecure and probably serve on the school’s PTA.



You are not superstitious. In fact you have no strong feelings about anything. A minority of drivers with green cars may be wanting to save the planet, but the rest are a bunch of misfits who live in trailers. Open the boot of any green car and you’ll probably find dirty laundry. Green cars are always dirty and the ashtrays are full. Most green cars are automatic because the drivers are so lazy, that even breathing is an effort.


Give me a break. Stop smiling for a minute and you’ll probably burst into tears. The drivers of yellow cars are mainly single. They will always remember birthdays, and are the biggest customers of Prozac. Woman with these cars are most likely to go “commando” and men are probably gay. These cars always get parking tickets but are the least likely to be involved in accidents.


These cars are cool, but their drivers are conservative. Ask any driver of a blue car what colour he’s previous car was, and 90% say, White. You are extremely self-concious and lower middle-class. Your parents are embarrasing and there is almost always a “family secret”. Most blue cars are, funnily enough, fast, but are never driven anywhere near their full potential.


Bahh, bahh, follow the sheep. Silver is currently the most popular colour car. It has something to do with the fact that we are in the middle of a boom, and is apparently a very positive colour. Bullshit, you have no style and buy your clothes at Edgars. You’re conservative and may even be an closet-accountant. Silver cars should be easier to sell eventually because everyone want’s them right? Dughh. no actually wrong, after the next few interert rate hikes, none of us will be able to afford cars anyway.


Note : I own a silver and a red car. Work it out for yourself.


Check this out. This is what the war in Iraq is costing the US in real time. You can even view it by State and County. Wow, wouldn’t it be great to have a similar site showing South Africans what crime and corruption is costing us in real time.


2 thoughts on “As long as it’s Black”

  1. I have two white cars, my desk and my sock drawer look like Knysna did after the last floods. I have plenty of sex and white is the most practical colour. It is cool and does not show the dirt. So stop talking bunkum!

  2. Howzit Bevan,

    I have reserved my real venom for those of you out there with not one, but TWO white cars.

    “People with two white cars have extremely untidy sock drawers from all the sex they’re having. They like ‘practical’ things and are too lazy to wash their cars, so they buy them in white. They like ‘instant meals’, ‘wash-n-wear’ clothes, and probably live in small hot towns in the Platteland to save on rates and taxes”

    Tell me if I’m wrong.

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