Life, Death, and the meaning thereof.

“What do you mean DEAD?, how can I be DEAD?”
“Well I’m afraid you are sir, that’s why you’re here.”
“Well that’s impossible, I’m not ready to die, there must be some sort of mistake.”
“No mistake sir, the date and time are right here in the book, look.”
“But I have so much to do still, you can’t just yank me up here in the middle of a beer.”
“Well that’s how it works sir. At the appropriate date and time we bring you here.”
“But where am I? Is this Heaven?”
“Do you want it to be? Do you believe in Heaven?”
“No, actually I don’t, but where am I?”
“You’re right here sir.”
“I know that, you moron, but where is HERE?”
“Exactly where you want it to be.”
“But why?”
“Because that’s how it works.”
“Well how long will I be here?”
“Forever.”
“But what am I supposed to do here, forever.”
“Anything you like sir, you have plenty of time, unlike your earlier life.”
“But I don’t want to be here. I want to be at home watching TV with my family.”
“They’ll be along shortly.”
“When exactly is SHORTLY?”
“It’s in the book sir, but unfortunately I can’t show you.”
“Ok, tell me this smart-arse, where are the Chistians.?”
“Why, they’re in Heaven.”
“And the bad people, the mass-murderers? Are they in Hell?”
“If they believed in Hell, then yes, I suppose they are.”
“And the Buddhists, the Muslims, the Jews.?”
“All where they thought they were going.”
“Does this mean that all along, we were all right?”
“Yes, and all wrong too.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you all thought that that only your particular belief or religion was right.”
“Well, what about re-incarnation? Can’t I go back?”

“If you want to, I suppose you can, if that’s what you believe.”
“OK then, how do I get re-incarnated?”
“Quite easy really, you step into the Random Re-incarnation Machine, I press this button and…”
“WHAT, you mean I get randomly re-incarnated. What will I be?”
“Well you could be anything really. A bee, a tree, a dog, maybe even a human.”
“And then?”
“And then you live that life, and when the date and time come I bring you back here again.”
“What about my parents and grand-parents? Are they here?”
“I’m sure they are, but it’s a big place, and you’d have to look for them. Place an ad or something.”
“OK, I’m starting to get my mind around this. Where is God?”
“Do you believe in God?”
“Well I suppose he must exist, who made all this stuff anyway?”
“Well then there is a God.”
“OK, well then I’d like to meet him.”
“I suppose that can be arranged, but you’d have to make an appointment. He’s very busy you know.”
“Oh, don’t bother. OK, here’s one. What’s the “Meaning of Life?”
“Which life are you referring to sir?”
“The one I’ve just come from.”
“Oh, that one. I’m afraid it’s just an experiment. Don’t read too much into it.”
“An EXPERIMENT, my whole life? Are you mad?”
“Well we had to test some theories, and the best way was this test system………”
“And Ghosts? How do you explain them?”
”Do you believe in ghosts?”
“No.”
“Well then, what’s there to explain?”
“Right then, where do I live while I’m here?”
“Live sir? You’re dead, you don’t need anywhere to live.”
“But food and water, what about sleeping and bathing? And if I need a doctor and ….”
“You don’t need any of these things.”
“Oh, I see.”

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