I’ve been sulking into my cornflakes for the last month or two. The reason? Bok van Blerk’s De la Rey, that’s why. And why would this give Synaptoman the sulks? Well, because now we White, English-speaking South Africans are the only group left without a “song” that stirs our blood and makes us stand up, hands on hearts, tears in eyes, looking stupid, that’s why.
To put it mildly, I’m highly pissed-off. We demand a song, and we need it soon, even if only to salvage some pride. The song needs to be carefully planned. The hero’s name needs to rhyme with obscure words like, “Stock Exchange”, “Country Club”,”golf”, “Bentley” and “cucumber sandwich”. Our song needs to unite us as a cohesive unit that, for once, can be taken seriously.
Our problem, of course, is that we really haven’t “suffered” enough. Yes, yes, I know affirmative action has been a bitch, but I’m talking about “real” suffering. We haven’t had any concentration camps, apartheid and starving.
Another thing. We haven’t really had any heroes. Cecil John Rhodes, the great imperialist? Not South African, British, very British. Jan Smuts, the great statesman who stood shoulder-to-shoulder with Churchill? Nope, Afrikaner, doesn’t qualify. Chris Barnard? The problem, as you can see, is that this “hero” has to have lived many years ago, has to have been born in South Africa, and has to be White, English-speaking male who did something important.
Let’s ask ourselves some questions;
Where did our ancestors come from?
England, Ireland, Scotland.
Why did our ancestors come to South Africa?
The really bad ones were sent to Australia. To avoid scandal, “find their fortune”, escape gambling debts and find something to do, the rest of the second and third sons who stood to inherit nothing, were shipped off to South Africa with a generous allowance.
What did they do here?
They bred, drank, started businesses, drank, became wealthy, drank and generally provided the capital and brains for the industrialisation of this fine country.
Are you starting to see the problem? There is no-one from our “group” who stands head and shoulders above the rest. Well maybe Mark Shuttleworth? After all he did make an obscene amount of money, go to space and take on Microsoft <spit> with his Open Source Ubuntu. But it’s not really the stuff of De la Rey, is it?
Another problem, De la Rey has the tune of a fine drinking song. Ours would probably have more of a rap beat. So let’s forget the person and just sing about US, as a group.
Here is my contribution so far (someone must say doof, doof, doof, in the background)
We came from the North with our cash and our brains,
To e-scape the winters, the wars and the strains.
We built up this country with money and balls,
And other mens labour, the roofs and the walls.
Now stand up and drink, and be merry and toast.
This wonderful country, the bush and the coast.
While others may claim it by vote and in word.
We own it, and hold it, now ain’t that absurd.
Quotation of the day;
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last. Winston Churchill