Please scratch my back again.

Mr President, I have Mr Zuma on line #3.

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WHAT? Why would he phone me?

Sir, he says he wants to thank you for taking care of his little problem.

Little problem? Oh yes, that waitress, tell him it was a pleasure.

No sir, the Vusi Pikoli issue.

Who the hell is Vusi Pikoli?”

Ah sir, he’s the head of the National Prosecuting Authority, and you suspended him, remember?

That’s strange? Why on earth would I have done that?”

I have no idea sir, and it’s caused quite a stir,especially with the Opposition.

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So what? I’m still President aren’t I?”

Well yes sir, technically but….

Anyway, what does comrade Zuma want?”

Sir, like I said, he wants to thank you.

Well tell him I’m on the other line to Robert practising Quiet Diplomacy.”

Sir, he wants to know if you could just do him one more tiny favour?

Oh shit, what now?”

Sir, he says he’s a little short of cash….

Well so am I, tell him to stop taking more wives.”

No, it’s not that sir, he says he needs to get his financier out of hospital/prison.

His financier?”

Yes sir, he was very secretive about it, he says it’s S, and you’d know what he meant.

Steve Hofmeyr? Did I have him sent to prison?”

Sir, I think he’s put the phone down.

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